How do I Start Over Again, if I’ve lost Almost Everything?
Committed to yourself now: “As long as I never let myself down, so that the experiences wont get me down either”.
Most of the time, failure was just another blessing. So many people have lost everything recently. They’ve lost their jobs, their apartments, their health, and some have even their loved ones. More and more people give in to fear and frustration, it can seem like none of this should be happening. Wasn’t it just a few weeks ago, they had everything? They had incomes and careers, homes, and communities, and most importantly, they had security and stability. Or so they thought of life this way.
When COVID-19 swept across the world in ways no one expected and ready, everything changed. It can be terrifying to think that no one knows how long it will last, or how many months it will take the world to recover from the aftermath. What can you do to start over when it feels like all hope is lost?
In this article, we will give you practical strategies to get started again. Even if you haven’t lost everything, or if you’re just feeling stuck, you can apply these steps to better prepare for an uncertain future.
The #1 Thing You Need to Start Over
Have you heard of the phrase, “what you focus on expands”? Experts and counselors suggest that to start over, you need to look at the positive. The theory is: focus on the positive and it will expand. In one sense, the approach is right. Positive thinking, power affirmations, and visualizing success are great tools. But there’s just one problem.
When you’ve lost everything and are trying to start over, positive thinking will keep you stuck. You see, even though you might be going through the motions of “I am” statements, your mind might contradict you. You may have nagging feelings of insecurity, fear, sadness, shame, and failure. So even though you may think you’re doing the right things, these negative emotions gain the upper hand. Before long, most people end up self-sabotaging, having anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed. There is a way to avoid this trap. But it isn’t easy, and it can be painful.
You see, to get started, you have to turn back. You have to be willing to look at your toughest moments, your deepest pain, and your most significant loss. Most people miss this critical step because it’s too disturbing. They don’t like to go back to those times. So the number one thing you need to understand is that whatever you are going through is not the end of the world. Even though it feels like it right now as if the whole world is crashing down around you, it isn’t the end of the world. Here’s why.
This Isn’t the First Time You’ve Lost Almost Everything.
Chances are, this isn’t the first time you’ve felt like the world is going to end. So if you can, remember back to one of those times. Maybe it felt like everything was lost. Or it seemed like everything was falling apart. Or maybe you were sure you’d never make it out But somehow, you did. You made it through. And you will make it through these tough times too.
Now, you might say that this time is different. In that case, imagine what your life might look like three years or five years, or even ten years from today. And when you are there, ask yourself these questions:
- Is this as bad as I thought it is?
- I know it’s difficult, but what can I learn from this experience? What lessons can I take away?
- What can you be grateful for? (You may feel there’s nothing to be thankful for, but if there IS something you’re grateful for, what can it be?)
You may be wondering, “how can the challenges I’m facing and the tragedy I’m experiencing be lessons?” And you may not be able to see past your current condition. We understand. That’s why most people don’t take the time to do this critical step.
But if you can see face it, gain a new perspective, learn something, and be grateful, you will realize this:
Your Adversity is Your Greatest Asset & Advantage
Pain is your greatest asset. You see, happiness doesn’t change you. Pain, adversity, and loss do. So if you have a mindset that recognizes this fact — even when you’ve lost everything — then you will make it through. Why?
Because it might not seem like it now, but what often looks like a failure on the surface is a stepping stone towards success.
What you are going through right now might lead you to a new career. It could cause you to pivot and start a business, or even meet a group of people who pull you up to the next level. Winston Churchhill said, “Never give up.” So take heart. If you have the strength to look back at your pain and your loss, you have the power to do anything.
5 Strategies to Start Over After You’ve Lost Almost Everything
Now that you have some new perspectives, you can begin to take actions that move you in the right direction. A lot of experts will suggest positive thinking, gentle care, and incremental growth. While these suggestions have merit (especially self-care), we recommend taking bold steps towards your new life. After all, when you are starting over again, you aren’t starting from complete zero. You can tap into some resources and advantages that you already have:
- Previous experiences and knowledge to draw from,
- Talents and skill sets you have developed so far,
- The time and mindset to design the life you want to live.
With these assets, you’ll be able to get back to where you were faster than ever. And when you apply the following five steps, you will have a blueprint for your new beginning.
#1 Reinvent yourself (Focus on your strengths)
Until around 50 years ago, most people had the same careers for 20, 30, 40 years, or even until they retired. But with modern technology advancing at the rate that it does, most people will change careers 5–10 times in their lifetime. Some people even switch industries. And yet, despite that, many of us are resistant to change. Why?
Most people are creatures of habit. But getting comfortable in one place is dangerous for growth. Comfort is often the reason why businesses fail, companies go under, and progress stagnates.
So if you’ve lost everything, and you’ve discovered lessons through those hardships, you can use that information to reinvent yourself. Focus on your strengths when you do so. Are you good at sales? Are you good at marketing? Are you good at public speaking? Start with your most substantial skill set and delegate the rest if you can. That way, you will spend more time in your zone of genius. When you reinvent yourself, you are letting go of the old self and embracing your future.
#2 Don’t keep it all in your head (Write it out)
Things like “reinvent yourself” and “create a better future” can seem vague and daunting. Most people who have lost everything often give in to a sense of hopelessness. They feel so lost because they can’t imagine getting to where they need to go. “There’s too much to do,” they’ll say. If this sounds like you, we understand.
The pressure can seem real. You might even feel like you are under a deadline and that you’re running out of time. The best thing you can do when you feel like you are drowning in things to do, grab some pen and paper and follow these steps:
- Write every task you need to do in one list
- Categorize the tasks by priority and deadline
- Do the most urgent and important tasks first.
This process will take less time than you think. And once you’ve finished it, not only will you have your step-by-step action plan, but you might feel relief. Why?
Because it might have seemed like you had countless things to do when you were just thinking about them. But when you write it down, you may find that you only have a dozen things to do. Things that seemed important may not even be necessary anymore. So write everything down, get all your thoughts and ideas out of your head, and focus on the next steps.
#3 Protect your time (Script your day)
Most people make the mistake of thinking that a ‘to-do’ list or a ‘schedule’ will help them get things done. But that’s not how it works. Imagine going to a ballet. Do you think that the performers on stage had a simple ‘to do’ list of poses to strike? No, every move of the choreography was scripted. And even their nutrition and training were scripted. Building something up from scratch has to be scripted too.
You see, when you’ve lost everything and are trying to rebuild from the ground up, your days and your weeks must be scripted. If you don’t, it will be all too easy for others to barge in and take your time. When someone calls, you might spend more time than you intended to speak with them. You might allow interruptions to take over your day. You might get on social media and waste hours scrolling through meaningless posts.
So script your day and take control of how your time is spent. Block out everything you’re going to do each day. After all, time is a valuable resource that never comes back. So make sure that you protect it and focus on things that move the needle in the right direction.
#4 Value progress over perfection (Just get going)
If you enjoyed some level of success before you lost everything, you might fall into the trap of wanting your next venture to be perfect. You might want to plan everything correctly before you start. We get it. After all, you spent months and years building up what you had only to have it all disappear. If you got it right the first time, maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation, right?
Unfortunately, the problem with perfectionism is the fears that are hiding behind it. See, most people who want everything to be perfect are actually afraid to fail again. They’re afraid to be judged again. And they’re fearful of being made a fool again. Wanting everything to be perfect becomes their excuse instead. So they wait and wait for the perfect moment, the perfect idea, the perfect plan before they take action. And that’s where they get stuck.
So Dan recommends that you take that first step, complete that first action, make that first move. Why? Because even if it isn’t perfect, it’ll progress. You don’t have to get it right; you just have to get it going.
#5 Use the time to learn (Gather more solutions)
Learning is a means to gather more information so that you have more ways to solve your problems. You see, the chances are that you lost everything because there was something you didn’t know. Or maybe it was something you weren’t sure of. Or it could be that you didn’t have enough knowledge to solve your problems.
Or maybe you only had access to one or two solutions. Whatever the case may be, learning can help you bridge the gap between now and your future. When you learn more, you might discover a dozen different ways to solve the problem you were facing. You’ll also learn how to avoid problems in the future. Next time you encounter an issue, you can leverage your new knowledge to recognize what’s wrong and overcome challenges faster.
While you can rely on books, one of the best ways to learn is from those who have ‘been there and done that’.
Final Thought & Action Steps
During a global crisis like the current one, there are a lot of other people who have lost everything too. And while commiserating with others might be comforting in the short term, it will slow down your progress to break free. So if you want to start over, you need to find a different group of people.
First, you may find a mentor who is already doing what you aim to do and not trying to profiting from you. What seems like the end of the world to you might be something they have already overcome. And because of their experience, they’ll be able to help you work through your problems much faster. They will also help you see what you’re going through from a different perspective.
The next step is to find a group of growth-oriented people, with sense of discernment. That way, you don’t have to solve your problems alone. Why is this important? Well, often those who have lost everything turn to their families and friends for advice. But despite your bonds, your loved ones might not understand what you are trying to resolve and achieve. They might not understand why you want to work hard, or why you want to grow, or in the worst cases, draw you away from your goals to fulfill their agenda.
So unless your family and friends have the success you want, find a community of peers who do. When you have serious entrepreneurs and business owners to fall back on for advice, everything changes.
You will be sharing the same journey, going to the same places, and growing together. You’ll do more than step into your own inner power.
